Saturday I woke up on the wrong side of bed/life
Everything felt wrong but most of all I felt lost in myself
All I could think about is how exhausted I was from being a mum and that a mum was all I was. I no longer felt like a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an underwriter (my actual job) or even a writer. In other words, I just felt blah!
Now there is nothing wrong with being a mum, but every mum feels like there is more to them than that. Becoming a first-time mum I still believe the biggest adjustment is the loss of self, of who you are now compared to who you were before you had a baby. Normally I have it under control but Saturday it just felt like everything was falling apart. This could have been because I slept badly, because I felt lonely, because Sienna was going through a whining stage where nothing could keep her quiet because of her frustration with her eczema or it could simply have been because there was no time to be anything that day other than a mum and I was teary with frustration
So after a few more hours of sleep and some self-evaluation I have decided to take back some control. I have enrolled in a writing course so I have something to focus on, we have booked a small getaway next month so I have something to look forward to (thanks to credit card reward points!), I have organised to see friends and get out of the house but most importantly I have focused on the positive parts of being a mum such as showing Sienna new objects, places and noises as she is loving exploring lately and this way we both get out and about.
At the end of the day I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend, underwriter and a not so good writer but I am also a mother who loves her daughter but sometimes needs a gentle reminder to look after herself as well as a happy mumma = a happy daughter (unless there teething, tired, cranky, clingy or otherwise inconsolable haha)